


Meliorism

by orphan_account



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dubious Consent(warned at the chap), Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, John too, Johns an oblivious moron, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pauls a master of seduction, no sluts just adults with healthy sex lives, plans of seduction, really just Paul being needy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-02-10 05:43:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18654097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: ABANDONED.))))"He'll notice, I've got a plan," George and Ringo shared a knowing look before arching their brows at the man. "well let's hear it," "well... dance with him, real sexy like y'know? like the girls in the grotty clubs rubbing up against their boyfriends-" Rich choked on his beer, the amber liquid spurting from his lips as he let out a choked, wet laugh."you plan on humping John's leg and what? hope he shags you in the loos?" Paul bit his lip and combed his fingers through his hair. "yes? is that bad? maybe he'll realize he's queer!" again, the two other shared a look before glancing back at Paul.





	1. Paul's plan of seduction

**Author's Note:**

> multi-chapter fic? ik ik feast your eyes I also didn't do a very good job of reviewing this so let me know of any careless mistakes

      George tilted his head back and groaned, glaring at Paul who simply grinned cheekily and bounced on his heels, dancing as he moved to the bar and sat on the old rickety stool. "Paul, have mercy You've placed this stupid fucking song for bloody ever! He's not even in England anymore!" "It's the art of seduction, mate, you don't understand," "It's a needy queer song that'll make me strangle you, John probably thinks you just like the song!" George snapped hitting his head against the bar. 

"He'll notice, I've got a plan," George and Ringo shared a knowing look before arching their brows at the man. "well let's hear it," "well I was thinking I could play the song-" "you've gone above and beyond when John comes back he'll surely get the message," George teased. 

"And dance with him, real sexy like y'know? like the girls in the grotty clubs rubbing up against their boyfriends-" Rich choked on his beer, the amber liquid spurting from his lips as he let out a choked, wet laugh. "you plan on humping John's leg and what?  _ hope  _ he shags you in the loos?" Paul bit his lip and combed his fingers through his hair. "yes? is that bad? maybe he'll realize he's queer!" again, the two other shared a look before glancing back at Paul. 

"So you plan on forcing this realization on him by acting like a woman?" Rich asked arching his brow. Paul drummed his fingers on the bar staring into his beer before muttering; "He won't like me if I'm... too masculine, baby steps, y'know?" "Paul-" Rich tried pulling his brows together. "yer such a fucking dumbass, how are you this stupid?" George blurted rolling his eyes.

"I'm so fucking done hearing this stupid fucking song, and about you pining after Lennon, You want him? Go up and snog him! you've already done it once," Paul blinked, wide-eyed and flustered. "I have?" "you got wasted and tried to shove your whole tongue down his throat, everyone saw you...don't you remember?" "No! how did he react? was he mad?" "no no... He didn't really react at all, just pulled you off and let you fall asleep on his lap," Rich informed with a shrug. 

"point is, you've already kissed him just do it again, no big deal," George added taking a drink. 

"But I'm sober now, he can't write it off as me just being flirty." George arched his brows at the older lad as he pulled out his carton of cigarettes. "Do whatever you think is best, whether it's singing this god awful song, or humping his leg like a dog, but I don't think you should act like someone you ain't, coz you'll both fall and you'll forget he didn't fall for  _ you _ , until he leaves you coz 'you've changed', but if that's what you want, have at it," George muttered before lighting his cigarette.

    "A miserable thing that is, worse than it being unrequited, I don't know why you're so set on it, but I ain't about to watch one of my best mate break just over a crush," He grumbled rising to his feet. Paul furrowed his brows and puffed out his chest. "You reckon it'll end bad, then?" "only if you pretend you ain't a six-foot bloke,"

"How can I forget? It's not as if I plan on going in drag and seducing him! I just- play the feminine role a bit, there's nothing wrong with that," Paul defended. "don't tell me, that was a plan too wasn't it?" George asked scoffing as he watched his friend shrink. "You're so bloody stupid just talk to him, I don't get it," "I'm no good with words George! you know this, What if...he doesn't want me and throws me out? it's terrifying! I can't even begin to try and talk to him-" 

"Write a song, you're good at that! I'm sure he'll like it," George suggested. "I wager a free dinner of your choice that the song will work better than you dry humping him," "the later seems fun _ ner  _ though," Paul replied with a smirk. "I hate you. you don't deserve a happy life as Mrs. Lennon." George deadpanned making Paul burst into a fit of giggles. "If anything it'd be John McCartney!" Paul replied with a grin. "Besides... I doubt it'll go anywhere, it'll be fun to pretend though," he added with a sigh.  

"If you hurt John-" Paul puffed out his chest and opened his mouth to protest before George barreled through it."I won't forgive you. Paul, you know his feelings so don't hurt them in a poor attempt to spare yours," He took another drag before sighing. "you know something I don't? I won't hurt him," Paul replied furrowing his brows. "You don't know much, mate, have to be a bit more specific," George teased. Walking over to the Jukebox and unplugging it with a sigh of relief. "I'm going home, it's meatloaf night. Behave," George warned with a glare and pointed finger before walking out the door. 

"do you reckon it'll end badly too?" Paul asked Rich. "I hope not, I know how much you like him," Paul smiled softly and took a drink a light blush dusting across his face. "He'll be coming home tomorrow, are you nervous?" Rich asked with a smile. "tonight, He's coming early coz of the gig," Paul corrected with a grin. "Oh? didn't you tell 'im they canceled?" Paul hid a mischievous grin around the rim of his can. "He was desperate to come back anyway," "right, he's the desperate one I'm sure,"

"Hush now, be nice to me I'm cute," Rich rolled his eyes and took a drink of his beer. "what do you reckon this place looked like... before it was abandoned?" He asked glancing around at the peeling, stained wallpaper. "a hotel I suppose," Rich rolled his eyes and sighed. "It's a real good thing you're pretty, you know that?" He asked downing his beer. "come on Paul, You oughta tell John there's no gig," "do you think he'll be cross?" "I thought he was desperate to come home?" Richie teased with a grin. "shut up," 

     Instead of going to his own home (which he should have, if we're being honest he had unfinished chores that he'd surely get scolded for not doing when he got home,) Paul went to John's sitting down on the porch smoking a cigarette to past the time. Resting his head against the wall as he swung his legs. 

"Paul," a nudge at his shin. "Paul," a poke at his nose. "Macca," pat on his cheek. "princess, fair Paul, wake up," a pressure on his chest. 

Paul opened his eyes gasping to find John sitting on him. "What ya doing here, Macca?" He asked standing up. "waiting for you," "Like a housewife, you are. you coulda let yourself in," John reminded unlocking the door and picking up his suitcase again. "I didn't want to miss you," Paul explained with a yawn, picking up his grocery bag and following John into the house.

"what do ya need, Paulie? John asked as he toed off his shoes.  Paul swallowed and chewed on his lip following John's actions and taking off his shoes and coat.

"wanted to welcome you home, is all," he replied with a nervous grin. John arched his brows and nodded slowly."Well, I didn't know you were here or I woulda got you something, We can share my burger?" "no no I'm fine," "what's in the bag?" John asked with a nod. "Oh! it's a surprise," John arched his brows but walked to the kitchen softly. Setting the greasy brown paper bag on the table before reaching inside and producing a hamburger. He held it out to Paul with a smile. 

"No no, I'm fine, you eat," "I got an extra," John offered again. "Really, I'm not all that hungry," He lied. "George says you've been a needy bastard without me, princess so why are you acting like a tot afraid to jump into the pool?" Paul looked pasted John and shrugged uselessly. "I haven't...I'm not," John sighed and set his food down. 

"what is it, Macca talk to me," "I got a record," Paul informed abruptly. "Elvis?" "no," "well, then put it on," Paul nodded jerkily taking out the bottle of wine and set it before John before hopping off to put on the record. "Wine and love songs? Macca you shouldn't have, don't tell me there's rose petals on my bed too," He teased opening the bottle. "it was cheap," he offered with a shrug grabbing two wine glasses. 

     They sat in silence Paul abusing his lip between his teeth downing a glass before bringing a shaking hand to his lips to place a cigarette between his teeth as he lit it up. "Paul are you alright?" "George told me we kissed," "did he?" John asked arching a brow. "wasn't much of a kiss, to tell ya the truth, more like a peck," John replied casually. Paul stared at him through the smoke and pulled the fag away from his lips, letting the smoke slip from his lips as his eyes darkened.

Paul was good at many things and the art of seduction was one he excelled in. " _ Oh _ ? we can't have that, now can we? I strive to leave everyone wanting more," Paul replied taking another drag. John arched a brow and sighed. "Let's go to the pub," Paul smirked and rose to his feet, dragging John by the wrist to the living room. "dance with me," He turned on the song he had played many times before. "Get yer coat, we'll find you something to shag," 

"You're here aren't you?" Paul asked biting his lip. "you're drunk, Macca come on, what yer in the mood for? a blonde? a redhead? can't say I like them much myself-" "I'm thinking auburn-" He reached up and twirled a strand around his index finger. "with a strong jaw, and almond eyes," He continued dragging his finger across John's jawline.

"mighty specific, mate, I think you've outta stick with blondes," John replied grabbing hold of Paul's curious hand. "but you're right here, Johnny-" "come on Paul stop fucking around,"  "I'm not fucking around," Paul replied pushing John onto the sofa, sitting down on his lap with a triumphant smirk "you're sloshed, mate," John inform with a sigh. 

"hardly," "I'm serious," He continued humming along to the song as he kissed John's jaw.  His cigarette laid forgotten in the ashtray. "are you really trying to fuck to this song?" "It's good, right?" "not the choice I'd imagine you'd make in this situation," "Imagine it often?" Paul asked with a smirk. John squinted and furrowed his brows. "is this is a dream, huh?" "It'd have a lot less talking if it was, don't you think?" Paul replied grabbing John's hands and putting them on his hips.

"why are you so insistent?" He asked squinting at the younger man shoulders tense and jaw tight. "Why are you so hesitant?" Paul countered, sucking on the man's neck. "cos there's always a catch with you, I'll have an alright shag but lose a great friend-" "mmh, why can't we keep both? a great shag and friend?" "because you're a hopeless romantic and can't do casual more than a handful of times," "so? better enjoy the handful," 

John smiled softly before shaking his head. "I don't want to," Paul frowned arching a brow. "You let Stu," "You're  _ not  _ Stu," Paul rolled his eyes and moved from John's lap, sitting down on the sofa with his arms crossed. 

"don't be bitter, we can go to the pub and find someone else, I'm sure you can find a bloke that looks like me-" "You're so vain, Lennon," "and you're obviously horny-" "is that your kink or something?" Paul snapped with a glare. "no, but it'd be quite the show, I'm sure," Paul simply frowned at the older man as he lit his cigarette. 

"What's the difference between me and Stu?" "bigger dick," John joked taking a drag. "Har har, wanker," "don't take it so personally," John sunk into the sofa.


	2. I want you Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dubcon warning my dudes

       Paul smiled and bit his lip, so he'd have to be slower, he could do that. He was patient only cuz he knew it’d get what he was after. He could play the game better than the best of them with his hands tied behind his back and blindfolded, and the fact it took a week for another opportunity to arise, only bothered him slightly less than the tall bloke John was eye fucking. He took a sip of his beer and glanced at John. Their knees almost touching under the low bar. "stop kicking me will ya?" John turned towards the crowd, deciding who to try and pull. "don't mean to luv, long legs y'know?" 

"Johnny?" "Paul?" finally drawing his eyes away from a manky brunette he was eyeing to look at Paul who had his body contorted. "why the fuck are you sitting like that? are you hurt?" "what? no. why would I-" "it looks like it hurts how'd you get your back like that?" John replied gesturing his mate's posture.

Paul's face dropped but only for a moment, before he smiled. "Johnny," "Paulie," John mimicked. Dense boy. Paul thought "let's go dance," He tried with a grin. "can't we just enjoy the- no, no you're right we came to a club to have a good time not 'sit around and drink ourselves sick'," John corrected himself, downing his beer before being dragged away by Paul.

Paul turned and danced against John a grin on his face as he danced. Paul loved queer pubs. No one looked at him like he was strange, or disgusting they simply danced with their partners (unless of course, they were huntin' In which case, Paul was quite popular, not that he was bragging or anything,) 

      John laughed and rested his hands on Paul's hips, dancing along before bringing his hand up to swat at his ass, making the younger man turned with a grin. "cheeky," He winked. John simply wiggled his eyebrows with a grin.  Paul was always amazed to see John like this, The crease in his brow smoothing, grinning, and wild. John was carefree when surrounded by fellow deviants. But looking around at the couples grinning and laughing, they didn't much look like deviants to him.

And for a moment, John was just John and Paul couldn't think of any reasons as to why that was a bad thing. John might have gotten too overzealous dancing, and instead just started following the drums in the song playing throughout the club on Paul's ass.  Like a child. Paul thought shifting his hips to the beat. Paul laughed an ugly choked cackle that he was sure earned some looks of disdain but John only joined in, eyes crinkling at the corners. Maybe a handful of times wasn't enough of John. Paul thought turning to face him. 

"watch it mate, getting too heavy-handed with those swats," rubbing the affected appendage. "sorry Macca, baby it's a great song," John replied with a shrug. "...It is, you're right," he grinned widely. " John?" Paul called expectantly. Rolling his eyes John read his mind and with a smile asked "Paul, may I have this dance?". The song was sultry and dirty, not something you'd hear in a nice restaurant as you have dinner by candlelight. But John was like that and Paul has never been one to try to stop it. 

"We'll look mad," "A handsome bloke like you dancing with me? you already  _ do,  _ luv," John replied with a wink, pulling him by the hand and spinning him around ever the charmer.  Paul sighed and rolled his eyes. “aren't you the romantic?" he teased wrapping on arm around John's neck. "only for you," he replied with a mischievous smile.  

"be still my heart," Paul responded fluttering his eyelashes and a bright smile. John cleared his throat before asking, "I need another drink, do you want one?"  all previous flirtatious attitude dropped suddenly. It was slightly jarring but Paul smiled nonetheless. "sure, a beer," He watched as John disappeared into the crowd.

      Dancing alone, you see was alright but there was always at least one stupid Bloke who didn't care if they were ruining the vibe. It took about a song before the tall, muscular man that'd been making eyes with Paul for a while made his way over. 

"Hey mate, come here often?" he asked with a smile looking Paul over. "often enough, me and my boyfriend like it," he hinted with a smile.  walking towards the bar. "oh? your boyfriend the bloke with the square jaw?" Paul nodded with a smile. "He's gorgeous, isn't he?" Paul asked with a smile. “A bloke’s trying to grab him over there," The man informed jutting his chin in John's direction.

Son of a bitch. Paul thought watching as John smiled. Oblivious to the man’s intentions he bloke was handsome, Paul will give him that, sharp manly features with large, round eyes, But he'd have to find some other meal. 

Paul walked up and without a word sat on John's lap. "Baby," He whispered against John's neck. John encircled his arms around the younger man. "are you alright?" John whispered into his collarbone. "you're out with me, love," he reminded kissing John's skin. 

"you were getting cozy with someone so I thought it was alright," "No, I'm here with you," "he was hot mate, I wouldn't be upset if you went for it, I'll wait for you if you wanna go," John informed, Still holding onto Paul.

John, Paul realized. was like that, he'd play along while still keeping you in place. He'll kiss you before reminding you, You're only  _ just a mate _ . It drove Paul mad. maybe he'll never cross the line and remain in this limbo of being able to hold him but never quite how he wants, it was never truly real, and it hurt more than Paul's flirtatious expression let on.

       "I'm with  _ you _ ," He replied simply. "alright then, two shots of vodka please," John set him down gently. Paul sat on the stool beside him, watching John's Adam's apple bob as he down the liquid. His hair wild and curled and a light flush started across his face. "y'know, John... if I didn't know any better I'd think you were trying to loosen me up,"  He said with a mischievous little smirk. 

"Is that so?" John asked arching his brow. "It is so, I think you fancy me," "well, who doesn't, Macca? You're irresistible," John replied with a wink. "so you do fancy me?" Paul arched a brow. "Of course, how could I not?" John replied gesturing for another drink. 

Paul pouted as he watched John slam down another drink. "Have a drink of water Macca, you're all red and sweaty," John instructed shoving the glass of water in his hands. "you spoil me," He replied taking a drink. "someone has to," John replied with a smile.  "Is that so?" John hummed and took another shot. "I take my role as honorary boyfriend very seriously," he said with a nod. 

"Honorary boyfriend?" Paul asked with a laugh titling his chin up. John simply nodded with a slight smile. "Macca, baby, you have a tendency to make temporary partners outta friends," another shot. "I don't!" John smiled and shook his head. "no?" John asked arching a brow. "no." “well, okay,” He said with a smirk. 

John signaled for another shot glancing at Paul's worried glance. "what worries you, mother McCartney?" He slurred with a smile "aren't you going a bit heavy on vodka?" "I'm not  _ you _ , Paul, I can handle me liquor," He replied straightening out.  "I'm handlin' me liquor now, aren't I?" Paul squinted. John took another shot and wiggled his eyebrows. "three shots and you'll be Macca the monster again," He answered with a smile, signaling for another. 

Macca the monster? Paul arched a brow and signaled for a shot himself.  Paul threw down the shot, flinching only slightly as it burned down his throat. John stood up and looked around. He watched as John slammed shots down. He could do this. To hell with subtle romances, he'd had enough.

he smiled softly before hopping off his seat, Pulling John off his by his hand. "Paul," He whined as Paul pulled out John's wallet closing their tab before dragging John out of the club. "I wasn't done, y'know?" John asked with a glare. "we were done, Johnny." Paul ended with a simpering smile. 

"Christ, you’re so handsome, you know that?" John exclaimed flailing his arms. "John," Paul called calmly his fingers barely brushing John's despite the aching grin on his face.. "what?" Gold is only given to the bold. Paul thought before lacing his fingers in John's Pulling him into the damp alleyway, pretty clean as it goes for alleys, it had only a faint smell of urine. Paul thought before pushing John against the brick wall. 

"Is something wrong?" He slurred with a frown. "Johnny," Paul pleaded his lips on John's neck, fingers working to undo his belt.  "Paul, yer drunk-" "I'm in better shape than you," Paul replied pressing a kiss to John's lips. "I want to, let me?" he asked reaching down. "why do you want to?" John responded tilting his chin up. "why are you so hesitant? don't you trust me, love?" Paul asked kissing John's neck. 

"Cos what will you be like tomorrow? will you blame it on me? I know you will," John frowned pulling his eyebrows together before pushing the younger man off of him. "I won't, I promise, I'm Practically sober," He promised raising his hand in a boy scout salute. John laughed carding his fingers through his hair. "Then why me?" John asked arching his brow. “ _ Maybe _ I fancy you,” John grinned and grabbed the younger man’s face. “That’s a cruel joke, Macca you know,” 

“I’m not joking,” he replied pressing a kiss to John’s lips. “You only want me when you’re drunk,” “I want you always,” “me too,” John admitted with a grin. “I’ve been in love with you for years,” “yeah?” “Yeah, I love your eyes and lips, and your nose and your dimple-” Paul laughed brightly. “Okay okay, I get it,” 

Paul's knees protested as he stood up he wiped his mouth and looked at John. Lax and hazed a healthy flush across his face, his lips parted, eyes half-lidded and chest heaving. "My balls hurt," Paul admitted. "Lovely," John hummed peeling himself off the wall only to push Paul against it. 

       John smiled hazily before sucking a bruise on the younger man's neck. "John not that I'm complaining... but, can we save the slow teasing for next time and just get on with it?" "next time?" John repeated, dazed. "Well, I'd like to do this again," John chuckled his head moving as though his neck couldn't support his head, his brows were pulled together. 

"...do you not want to do this again? you don't have to do it now if you don't want to," John blinked slowly before falling against the younger man, passed out cold. "John?" Paul called. "Johnny, come on if you don't want to it's fine," Paul pushed John away, the lurched back, the only thing keeping him from hitting the ground was Paul pulling his back to his chest quickly. 

"You could've returned the favor before you passed out, y'know?" Paul muttered wrapping his arm around the man and starting the trek to John's home. John's legs gave out as soon as Paul tried to walk, forcing the man to lift him up and carry him, his legs around his hips and arms dangling off of his shoulders as he walked the  _ four  _ blocks stopping to readjust his hold on John's ass. 

Paul wondered if he was cursed. surely, John will be upset in the morning, he didn't have to stay.  _ But _ ... what if he chokes on his own vomit? Paul couldn't live with that, no he'd stay and watch over John, he'd do the same. 

At the very least, he got to second and third base with John (no matter if it was sloppy and left him blue balled,) John woke up to vomit halfway down the third block. laying down on the grass near his vomit with a groan. "up you go, luv," Paul urged pulling the man to his feet. 

John giggled and grinned up at Paul. "come on, luv you’re acting madder than a hatter," Paul urged wrapping his arm around John's waist, pulling john's arm to coil around his neck. John muttered a string of nonsensical words, His head rolling around until falling against his shoulder. 

"John? you awake?" John groaned and muttered something again. "John luv, I can't understand you," "you smell nice," He knew he shoulda cut John off sooner, John was sure to burst into flames if he even tried to have a smoke. Paul tried to get John to help him out, but he just got frustrated and picked him up again. Only setting him down again when they had to sneak into his house. 


	3. art a la high

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a hot minute but here's a John-centric chap

        John woke up to a pounding headache and a weight around his waist, He could feel hairy legs tangled with his own, and the very distinctive feeling of a prick pressing against his skin. He tried to piece together who he'd taken to bed with what he knew. He was chatting up a bloke at the bar- no their legs were shorter. Fragments until it went to black. A blowjob in the alley who was it though? Paul- what happened to him? John thought hazily. The hand laying on his stomach started stroking his side their thumb sweeping his ribs. 

 

"You're thinking too loudly, luv," Paul informed throatily, pressing a kiss on John's shoulder blade barely containing his smile. John's blood ran cold at the sound. He rolled off the bed, scurrying away till his back was against the wall. "What the fuck Paul-" 

 

words died in his throat as soon as he saw the younger man, propped up by his arm John took all the details of his friend, stubbled chin, ruffled hair the blanket pooling around his hips, a leg exposed in John's theatrics, his arched brow, and soft smile, the purple marks littering all over his neck and jawline, trailing down to his collar,

 

       John grimaced at the thought that  _ he  _ did that, but Paul seemed far too  _ okay  _ with waking up with his prick pressed against his mate if you ask John- But he supposed, Paul was used to waking up and putting these things behind him. Maybe he was happy to know who he woke up with. "Why are you naked?" John sputtered. "come on luv, You're a clever lad you oughta know," John frowned, glaring at the nasty purple marks on Paul's neck. 

 

"You're putting me on- That didn't happen," John refused. "it didn't?" Paul asked with a smile. "Paul stop! this isn't funny!" "Relax John, it doesn't make you Gay," John furrowed his brows and blinked. "Gay? what is that why you think I'm upset?" "is that not why you're upset?" "no. I just would have preferred not to have done it with-" "Me?" Paul finished tensing up. 

 

"and what's wrong with me, then?" "why are you offended? surely I'm not who you wanted to wake up to," "I wonder? you act like you've caught the bloody plague!" "I don't mean to hurt your feelings- I just didn't want to drunkenly shag my best mate," "You're not making this better!" Paul grumbled sitting up fully and crossing his arms over his chest. 

 

"what do you want me to say? I can't remember anything! I just don't wanna sleep with you-" Paul's face twisted into a sour expression. "And why is that?" "You're my  _ mate _ , you're in a set box and I wake up to your prick pressed against me bum, excuse me for being a bit startled," "But you're not a bit startled, You're disgusted." Paul snapped with a glare. 

 

       "I'm not- it's just a bit of a culture shock is all-" "Yeah, whatever," Paul cut off getting off the bed. "Paul don't be angry I didn't mean to insult you-" "I've oughta get going," Paul interrupted grabbing putting on his pants.  "Just let me make it up to you, I can-" "don't strain yourself,  _ mate _ , don't wanna make yourself sick," He replied putting on his shirt. "Paul- come on" John wrapped his hand around Paul's wrist. "please," "don't touch me," 

 

John sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Don't say anything, I just wanna get home," Paul muttered putting on his shoes. John sighed as he watched Paul walk out of the room in a hurry. He watched from his window as Paul ran away seething. He was always running away, and John didn't feel like chasing him with a hangover. Practice would probably have to happen without Paul. 

 

John sighed and shimmed on some pants before opening his bedside drawer and grabbing a blunt. He lit it up and looked over, finding a glass of water and headache tablets. Christ. John thought pulling the blunt from his lips. He laid back on his bed and stared back at the ceiling, brows pulled together as he tries to piece together what events could have led to this morning. 

 

        Did Paul mistake him for someone else? or did he know it was him? it was all too much too fragmented. He made himself dizzy trying to piece the parts he knew together. He could remember Paul's -fuck- hands on his legs. At what point did it all go wrong?  Why didn't he stop himself? He closed his eyes and took a hit. It seemed he was always offending Paul over 

 

this, maybe it's good they got it over with (it's good John can't remember it,). They can move on having eased the tension. He'd have to move on. Nothing quite fit but he supposed he'd apologize later. No big deal Paul probably wasn't thinking of it anymore. John let the smoke spill from his mouth before sitting up and going to his office, no use dwelling on it. 

 

         He sat down and started inking his work, puffing away at his blunt as he worked. It at least gave him an excuse not to think. Paul knew it was him, in bed and yet he still seemed... happy. John bit his lip and furrowed his brows, focusing harder on getting his work done. 

 

casting his work aside with a sigh he took out some paper and pencils and started sketching something at random. It'd been a while since he drew something not related to his work. letting his mind blank and his hands do whatever he pleased as he puffed away at his blunt. 

 

Hungover and high he produced a sketch of the very man he tried not to think of. It was, an alright sketch although he was sure Paul comment on how his shoulders weren't as broad, or how he never made the face he was in the sketch (Both of which are completely true to life) he'd gripe about the placement of the freckles on his chest. 

 

John found peace in getting lost in a sketch that he hadn't felt in a while. The love he had for art returning as he shaded the collar bone. It wasn't as though what he was drawing was disconnected from who it was he was drawing, But there was a serenity in drawing the scene out, maybe it was just him processing it, or maybe it was as through in going back and drawing it, it was as though he was going back and wrapping himself in a love diluted fantasy.

 

        He furrowed his brows and came closer, before putting on his glasses that sat on the desk. He'd throw it away after it was finished, of course, bury it away with the memory. He brushed away bits of eraser with his fingers as he worked on Paul's face, something akin to love written all over his face when he looked down at John. Maybe he fancied John. He thought with a snort. He got lost in the drawing lost in cementing the image in his mind to compensate for the loss of the memories he surely would never recover. 

 

"John? what are you doing mate? I've been calling you," Ringo called, walking up beside John. "what ya drawing?" John moved a piece of paper to cover Paul's face before offering a shrug. "Paul said what happened," He started carefully. "oh? is he mad at me?" "are you alright, John?" "Yeah? I just got lost in the art for a bit," John offered with a smile. "no, john about last night," "Oh," John said with a pause. "He didn't force me," "do you remember?" "... if i said no he'd listen, so i didn't say no so he didn't stop," John replied with a soft shrug. 

 

"is he mad?" John repeated. "he's hurt, are you sure? can you remember it?" "I know you're on this...kick but really I'm fine," "I just worry, just because you like him doesn't mean he has a right-" "I know Rings," John replied with a smile. "you know if you aren't I'm here, right? it won't make it weird if he did-" "I gave the go-ahead," John interrupted grabbing his pencil again. "you sure?" "positive. shouldn't you be questioning Paul, officer?" 

 

"no, I know he consented to whatever you two did," "oh?" "He's been  planning it," Ritchie rolled his eyes "he has?" "John why do think he's been so aggressive with you?" John paused for a moment before shrugging. "he lonely?" Ritch arched a brow. "You know he's got a thing for you, right?" 

 

John's face twisted as though he sucked on a lemon, offering a scoff. "He's got a thing for what's her name? with the...tits" John rebuked leaning back into his chair gesturing towards his chest. "I'm pretty sure he's into you, mate," Ritchie repeated with a grin. "no no he went on and on about her, and asking me what i thought and if I thought she'd go for him-" "I think you outta talk to Paul," Ritch cut off with an amused smile.

 

He looked down at his unfinished drawing and bit his lip. "Yeah, I'll talk to him next time I see him," he promised running a hand through his hair. "he really did a number on your neck, mate looks like you fought a bloody vampire," John chuckled and reached to cover his neck absently. "yeah?" "sooo do you often draw him while high?" Ritchie asked snatching hold of the paper. 

 

John shrugged slightly and closed his eyes. "it's good, not something I feel like I should see, but I'm sure Paul'd love it," John laughed at that, "vain bastard would be thrilled," he agreed with a fit of giggles. "he'd point out things I got wrong, actually my nose is a bit different," John mimicked an exaggerated form of Paul's voice. 

 

He took back his paper and looked it over. "so... why don't you show him it? he'll love it," "cuz it's none of his concern?" John reminded setting it back in place before continuing to work on it. "I don't know mate-" John hunched over the paper fixating on getting it right. "You've oughta talk with Paul," John arched his brows as he drew. "He's right mad now, he won't talk," John offered. 

 

       "He won't, but maybe if you open with your feelin-" "no. He's a bloody monster! Ritchie, I've seen him tear into better blokes than me for confessing the same," John rolled his eyes before shading Paul's lip. "but you're his best mate, I'm sure he won't be like that with you," "yeah... he'll be gentle, 'sorry John, I just don't see that happening,' 'that' being us, He does that, He'll reject a real relationship and even just feelings in favor of  a pseudo-relationship without the worries, that's why he wants me, if I give him what he wants he'll leave me when it gets serious but if i don't he'll be sore about me finding him disgusting or something," John informed with a shrug. 

 

"I've seen many a men fall for this trap, and I'm not gonna be one just cuz He's noticed me," "you make him sound like a vampire," Ritchie mused with a grin. John merely hummed. "Do you really think that's why he wants you?" Ritch asked after a pause. John paused his furious sketching before looking up at the older man. "no, he might be bored," he added. "so if he was here in front of you with flowers and chocolates asking you to go steady-" John chuckled and leaned back in his chair. 

 

"why am I the girl?" he asked pointedly. "You're telling me you won't date him? even if that's what you've wanted for years?" Ritch finished as though John hadn't interrupted. John thought for a moment before shrugging. "maybe if I knew it was real for him, and you and George act like it's some grand unrequited love, It's not like that," John admitted with a pointed look. 

"well, we wouldn't if it wasn't all so  _ tragic _ , how he made you his bitch and all," he teased with a grin. John smiled and shrugged offering nothing else in return as he ran his hand through his hair. 

 

"You think I'm a coward," "I think you're wasting a lot of time worrying about what he'll do when you can just ring him and ask him  and see for yourself," "He's only like this cuz valentine's is comin' up, it'll be over soon," John predicted. "so milk it till then, if he's not what you want you can move on," 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated


	4. Sick

Paul bit his thumbnail as he stared at the posters in front of him. Ms. Thompson looked him over with a slight smile. "nice sweater," She started. "wha- oh thank you, Sabrina," "why are you so anxious?" "anxious? I'm not, my heads just in the clouds," She arched her brow. "Come on then love, what's wrong?" she asked taking a sip of her tea. "it's nothing really, personal matters is all," 

 

her eyebrow rose higher. "a dear friend of mine, confessed that he loved me-" "you're gay? dear lord let poor Amelia know, she's been trying to snag you for a while!" Paul chuckled with a smile and turned his head to look at Sabrina.

 

"no no, I'm bi, and I keep telling her I'm not interested but she doesn't listen," "she's a bit thick like that," Sabrina agreed with a chuckle. "so what about your friend? what will you do?" "I didn't want something so serious, y'know? but now I feel trapped," "how so?" "I think I love him,” Paul admitted pathetically. 

 

She took a sip and thought for a moment. "have you told him about this at all? no- of course, you haven't... what’s stopping you? Everything’s in your favor," “I don’t want something serious And He doesn’t want me,” She arched her brows. “I think, you should talk to him-” “I have to be sure y’know? I don’t want to lead ‘im on,” 

 

Paul took a breath. His gaze was unfocused as his mind ran away with all the worst ways that conversation could go. But at least he could justify his feeling with those.

 

"You'll be fine, just rip it off like a plaster," He glanced at her with a pointed stare. "don't give me that look, it'll be fine," She promised with a nod like she already saw the outcome. Paul wished he could be as sure as her, but when the looking at his watch and finding it time to head to his classroom again, he only felt as though he'd vomit where he stood. His palms were clammy and shook, he was sure he looked sick but taking a deep breath and a gulp of tea he was off. 

 

Class, he found didn't give him much distraction as testing made it uneasily quiet. He chewed on his thumbnail as he worked on grading papers. Had he misread it and ruined it all? What if he'd dashed all hopes of a romantic relationship with him by being... Stupid? God, he's so stupid. "Mr. McCartney?" Paul looked up at the nervous looking child. 

 

"yes, Hailey?" "are you ill?" she asked in a whisper. "just a bit, is there something you need?" "I've finished," "put it in the tray and take your seat," he instructed. "actually, Mr. McCartney, I need to go to the restroom," she informed. He looked at the clock before shaking his head. "alright, alright have a seat and wait for someone to accompany you," He instructed in a whisper. 

 

His impending panic of losing John had been growing impressively for the six days of radio silence from John, But it was nothing compared to the thought that his actions had not been  _ fully  _ approved. Ritchie said he wasn't mad, that he trusted him but that did little to ease his mind. Christ he was going to cry. What a sight that'd be for the group of tots to bring home. 

 

He took a sip of his tea hoping to settle his stomach. He had to talk to him, make sure he was okay, that he hadn't done what he thought he had. but John- in all his eccentric glory wouldn't pick up his bleeding mobile! It's not as though he couldn't just stop by, but from what Ritchie had said he hadn't bothered to clean, so absorbed in his art.

 

Which wasn't necessarily good or bad but was definitive of John being lost in a deep emotion(s). Anger? Regret? Shame? happiness- no that's idiotic the man had been completely sloshed and probably didn't remember a thing. Which is just as bad right? if you can't  _ remember  _ consenting did you really consent? No. Paul decided nauseously. He'd assaulted his best mate. The walls closed in on him and he felt eyes burning him. But still, he stayed calm. 

 

Deep breathes. He was fine- fine-  **fine** .  _ fine _ . "Mr. McCartney?" a voice far away voice called. blinking he looked around. Hailey. "yes? where is everyone?" "the class ended sir, you've been zoned out for awhile." She informed twiddling her fingers on her desk. "then why are you still here?" He asked gently. "I've...Bleed through my skirt..." "oh. it's alright I'll get another-" "Mr. McCartney?" "yes?" "are you alright?" "yes-" "you don't look alright, sir, you look like you're having a panic attack," She informed softly. 

 

"I'm not, just a bit under the weather," He replied with a smile. "My grandpa, he served in a Vietnam he makes me list things I can see, feel, hear and whatever when I have a panic attack," Paul squinted at the child before tossing one of his hoodies at her. "tie this around your waist, follow me," He said instead. Lights, Posters, Voices, Heartbeat, Footsteps. 

 

"Amelia, love do you have a girl-woman thingy Hailey is in need, and do we have a change of uniform for her?" Paul asked softly "a woman thingy? Oh. oh! come this way, I'm sure one of us has a  _ thingy _ ," She instructed with a warm smile offering her hand to the girl. 

 

He was going to burn that hoodie if he ever got it back. He pulled out his phone and hovered just above the call button. What was he supposed to say? ' _ Hey, Johnny boy, sorry I raped you, but you said you loved me so I was hoping we could give that a go,' _ he rolled his eyes at the thought, but his stomach twisted in knots at the very probable idea that John would never want to see him again. 

 

Instead, he shot a text, four letters that sent dread into all who read them; we need to talk. He'd come up with an apology and tell him everything. He'd rip it off like a plaster and regardless of what John decides, he'll take it as a learning experience. This can be a learning experience. 

 

He rushed into his flat, avoiding The neighbor that kept trying to set him up with her daughter. He unlocked his mobile to find that John hadn't even opened his text. He bit his lip and tried not to worry. Maybe he just hadn't seen it yet. Nothing to worry about this time of year was always busy for him- Nothing to do with him.  

 

Instead of working (like he should have), He sat down on the worn sofa and began researching. Digging himself farther and farther into his panic with every video, every article telling him he's a monster every video. Closing the laptop he called John. It rang and rang until it went to voicemail, but he called again, and again until finally, he got through. "John?" "no this James, John's in the loo right now but you kept calling," 

 

"can You hand him the phone? please, it's urgent," Paul knew he sounded pathetic, but he didn't care. "...alright hold on," He could hear muffled footsteps and a knock on a door. "John? luv, 'Macca' is ringing, he says it's urgent," He couldn't hear John's response but after a few moments he could hear shuffling. "hey, what's wrong? are you alright?" "Who's James?"  

 

"James? he's a mate," "so you've had time for him but not your best mate?" "is this why you called? you said it was urgent," John reminded. "we need to talk," "...about James?" "about us, Johnny," "oh-" "we'll talk about James later," Paul added running his hand through his hair. "will we? there isn't much to talk about," John answered. "John, Please can we talk?" 

 

John sighed and muttered something. "I've got to turn in a few pieces, it'll take maybe two days, if you want to drop by we can talk while I work or we can wait?" "I'll help ink them if it gets you sooner," Paul offered, biting his thumbnail. He could hear John sigh. "I can come tonight," John offered. "okay," Paul breathed. "You're... not cross at me, are you?" He asked. "No? just busy," 

 

Paul thought about pressing his luck and asking about James, but decided against it and instead said, "meet me at mine at...sevenish?" "sevenish it is, seen you then mate," "before I let you go, are you sure you're alright? you sound a bit nervous," "yeah, I'm alright, Just a rough day at work is all," 

 

He could almost see the skeptical expression that must have been on John's face. "I'll bring some grub, yeah?" John said before muffling something to someone. "I'll see you then, I've got to go, bye babe," John said in a rush, leaving Paul hanging on to the last word. Maybe, He wasn't angry. maybe John would walk out a taken man. Looking around at his flat he chewed on his nail. 

 

He, of course, started with his room, making it all nice and clean,  just in case. then he went to the living room, after putting everything in its place he cleaned the windows, got on his hands and knees and cleaned the floors, the countertops, things John wouldn't even notice, or take a glance at. But Paul was a nervous cleaner, and as the hours ticked by he knew he'd have to come clean. If he was shot down, then he was shot down and he'd move on. If he lost John then he never really had him to begin with. 

 

He sighed and tugged at his hair, his brows pulled together and his lips in a tight line. He hated feeling like this. This wasn't what he wanted when he started this stupid plan. He walked to the loo, looking at himself in the mirror he found he hardly looked like himself, dark bags under his eyes, green and sickly his skin looked...waxy his lips dry and cracked. 

 

He took a breath and started the shower, stipping before forcing himself to relax under the warm beads. He'll be fine. He's not a monster. He assaulted his best mate because he can't talk about his feelings like a normal human- no He could've said no, he was gonna but he changed his mind, which means he was somewhat okay enough to consent, right? 

 

No. He can't remember it, Paul took advantage of him and he oughta pay a price for doing something so...Sick. 


	5. Chapter 5

This will no longer be updated. Thank you for reading hope you enjoyed.

**Author's Note:**

> thx for reading, comment if you like it or if you don't


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